The Oldest Hippie
The Oldest Hippie
Bic and Back
December 12, 2020
Clean Breaks
Santa Claus has been alive for 4,000 years. He has fought endless wars, fathered a thousand children, captured countless dragons, won five American League batting titles, and guzzled eight million bottles of Coca-Cola.
He has one regret: Those Norelco commercials.
You remember them. The cute moments of Santa riding the Norelco razor through the snow like a great big silver sled. The commercials are great and really take you back to 1989, 1974, and seven million B.C.
But Santa tells us he regrets them because he does not use a razor. That’s obvious, isn’t it?
Santa is here now to explain.
“Hello. Call me Santa. I am a saint, a drunk, a hero, and an outlaw. But I am not a hypocrite. I don’t shave. I trim, sure. Who doesn’t? But I don’t shave. So, I would like to apologize to the Norelco Company for taking all their money. I would also like to say sorry to all my fans. Especially the children. Kids, you can be great. You can be anything you want; an astronaut, a doctor, a racecar driver or Deborah Birx. But don’t be a liar. Don’t be a hypocrite. Don’t be a dirty bird.”
That was Santa. And he is sorry. But Santa, you hawked a Lady Norelco, too. Doesn’t Mrs. Claus shave her legs?
“No.”
That was Santa Claus. And God, is he sorry. --TK
Saturday, December 12, 2020