A Leg Down
A Leg Down
Lights, Camera, Breakthrough
December 17, 2021
The Rockettes were going to be the last stop. They swear it was.
Since Professor Henderson and Rabbi McGillicuddy stole the scarecrow from their neighbor’s front yard on the drunken eve of October 1, they had taken him to many places. The first place they took him, of course, was back to the bar where they had been drinking and then, of course, they had forgotten him there.
Then they went back to get him the next day and saw the first social media posts from their grieving neighbor, lamenting the loss of his scarecrow and heard a word or two around the neighborhood that someone had violated the town’s “Scarecrows on Parade” autumn fundraiser by stealing one of the entrants.
It made them sad, sure, but it also made them laugh because, hey, they were going to bring him back.
But then Professor Henderson and Rabbi McGillicuddy got an idea as they retrieved the scarecrow from their favorite watering hole, The Spirits of Spider Rico. Why not keep him a while? Why not show him a good time?
Why not give him a name?
So, on October 2 he was christened Billy Batman Mordecai St. Croix. Don’t ask why, but that became his name.
And he was going places.
They took him to see the Chicago Bears beat the Detroit Lions, 24-14 and took his photo and tweeted it to the world. Professor Henderson and Rabbi McGillicuddy carried the scarecrow with them as they ran the Chicago Marathon and he never got tired once. They took him to a White Sox win, a White Sox loss, a movie, a play, more bars, a strip club, a funeral, a bar mitzvah, McDonald’s, Burger King, Panda Express, a wedding, a bachelor party, another movie, a protest, a celebration. Photo after photo after photo, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook. Billy Batman Mordecai St. Croix was infamous.
He was the stolen scarecrow who got around. And he wore his mask the entire time, just as Professor Henderson and Rabbi McGillicuddy did.
BBMSTC went to the Columbus Day Parade, the Indigenous Peoples Day Parade, trick-or-treating, helped mow the lawn, rake leaves, got a booster shot, a flu shot, a rabies shot, a herpes shot, a shot in the dark, sat at the head of the table at Thanksgiving, got a picture with Santa, got blessings, good tidings, well wishes.
He got so notorious and rowdy.
And the last stop, the final adventure, was going to be a subway ride through New York City and then a front row seat for The Rockettes Christmas Spectacular. And then, yes, just like all those urban legends before him, Billy Batman Mordecai St. Croix was going to be returned to his rightful owner with stories to tell. So many tales to tell at Christmas.
But then, this.
The Rockettes announced today, one week before Christmas Eve, that because of COVID, there will be no more shows. No more long legs and spiffy songs. No more last bit of limelight for Billy Batman Mordecai St. Croix.
Professor Henderson and Rabbi McGillicuddy are devastated. All these ladies wanted was to show their stolen man one last good time.
All good crime sprees must come to a quiet collapse.
Now they will take him home and he will still have a ten-week resume to brag about, but he won’t have The Rockettes.
And, even in the arms of his rightful owner, he could, like many others, face an uncomfortable Christmas.
And a cold winter. --TK
Friday, December 17, 2021