The Glow of Christmas Fury
The Glow of Christmas Fury
The Bearded Bear
December 20, 2021
The Gates of Christmas Hell
Vikings 17, Bears 9
Santa Claus is drunk again and taking on all comers. He stands in the parking lot outside Chicago’s Soldier Field on a chilly, hazy, desperate winter night and is throwing fists.
Bam! Down goes a Vikings fan who called him an asshole.
Splat! Another Vikings fanatic pays the price for saying something cruel about Mike Ditka.
And now here comes a Minnesota fool with the dangerous belief that Walter Payton was overrated and Santa who, as we have long known is an indefatigable Chicago Bears backer, kicks this idiot in the nuts.
Santa beats the piss out of a half dozen morons in the drunken aftermath of yet another Bears’ loss, this one an ugly, dispiriting, 17-9 setback against the Vikings on Monday Night Football, dropping the Beloved Bears to 4-10 and putting them closer to hell than Canton.
“I’ll kill you all!” Santa screams, “I will win! God is with me!”
He will fight to the death, this Santa will. It’s 2021 and America is getting hijacked by hucksters and forsaken by angels and Santa Claus will fight to the bloody end for his brothers and sisters and all those who wish the damn Bears could sustain a drive. Sustain something. Could live deeply through every cold football night and every Christmas Day for now and forever.
First down and Amen. –TK
Monday, December 20, 2021