December 18, 2022

Pecked To Death

Eagles 25, Bears 20

Santa Claus took another big, fat shit on the Chicago Bears on Sunday, and laughed as the MASH Unit of the Midway lost a seventh straight game, 25-20 to the Philadelphia Eagles on the frigid grass of Chicago’s Soldier Field.

The Bears had a chance in this one because they always have a chance because they have speed, strength, gumption, and quarterback Justin Fields.

Fields, we’ve learned these last few months, can do just about anything on a football field. But he cannot perform miracles. And this Bears team, that was without most of its receiving corps, has an offensive line that is like Play-Doh in Satan’s talons, and has about as much luck as the Pope has chances of getting into Heaven, would have needed a miracle to top the Eagles, the best team in football.

But still, a chance they had. But, as it has been for two months now, football happened, and the Bears are now 3-11 and could very well end up with the second overall pick in the draft, which will be great if they can use it to take about fifteen guys. Fifteen really, really good guys.

Fields threw for 152 yards, ran for 95 more, and broke Bobby Douglass’ Bears record for most yards rushing in a season by a Bears quarterback. Fields has now run, dashed, dodged, weaved, and trucked for exactly 1,000 yards this season with eight touchdowns. He is a wonder to behold. Helen Mirren with cleats.

Up next, a visit from the 11-3 Buffalo Bills on Christmas Eve. They will be bringing a bag of coal for our Bears, to be sure. But another Sunday of watching Fields is far better than anything Santa has in his bag or Batman hides in his closet. --TK