December 28, 2022

Merry My Ass

Adonis and Pinky have been friends for many Christmases but this could be their last.

They have spent a pleasant December 28th sledding, drinking, smoking, and occasionally necking but, when it’s time to say goodbye…well…here’s what happened:

Adonis: “Goodbye, Pinky! Merry Christmas!”

Pinky: “Until next time, Adonis! Happy New Year!”

Adonis: “Happy New Year? Are you kidding me with that shit? Happy New Year? It’s only December 28th you godless childofawhore! Don’t say Happy New Year! Say Merry Christmas!”

Pinky: “Merry Christmas?! How the hell Merry was it when I caught you, again, groping the plastic statues in the church manger?! Merry Christmas? In hell! Happy New Year! Happy New Year to you and your mother’s fat ass!”

Adonis: “AAAAAAIIIIGGGGGHHHHH!!”

Adonis then runs into traffic and is hit by a bus but survives. Pinky visits Adonis in the hospital and keeps vigil for days until Adonis finally regains consciousness. They look into each other’s eyes.

Adonis: “Thank you so much for staying with me. Is it Christmas yet?”

Pinky: “Happy New Year, you asshole!”

Pinky then extends a middle finger.

“Cut!” The director yells. “You both get the part! Rehearsals begin Monday!”

Pinky and Adonis look at each other. Their little plan worked. Perhaps too well. --TK