September 25, 2022

Why Fly When Your Feet Work Just Fine?

Bears 23, Texans 20

The Chicago Bears ran for 8,000 yards against the Houston Texans at Chicago’s Soldier Field on Sunday and managed to escape with a 23-20 victory that was about as pretty as a former President wearing white pants.

The Bears won because they ran the ball well, they got a clutch interception, and the Texans might be the worst football team since God handed the first pair of cleats to Moses.

How many yards did the Bears really get on the ground? The box score says 281, with Khalil Herbert getting credit for 157 of them on 20 carries. But it felt like a lot more. Every time we looked up from our bowl of wheat germ it seemed another Chicago representative was sprinting to daylight without much protest from anyone with a cow on his helmet.

When you run for 281 yards and the other team runs for a mere mortal tally of 92 you should probably win the game by at least 50 and also get offered some type of job in Hollywood, if not the Vatican. But here is the part where we are reminded that these Bears have still not managed to get this year’s calendar. Or last year’s. Or 1983’s. In fact, in Chicago the year is always 1975, if not 1935 (they take turns), so we run, run some more and no, we do not throw the ball, thank you very much, though.

Bears quarterback Justin Fields walked off the turf at the end of this one having completed just eight passes on 17 attempts, for 106 yards, no touchdowns, two interceptions, two fumbles, and a passer rating of 27.7, which is the lowest of his career and also likely this young man’s retirement age.

The Bears’ passing game doesn’t need a retool, it needs an exorcism.

OK, enough already. The Bears ran the ball in big, fat chunks and, with minutes to play in a 20-20 tie, Texans quarterback Davis Mills threw a pass that found its way into the hands of Bears linebacker Roquan Smith deep in Texans’ territory, setting up Cairo Santos for the game-winning 30-yard field goal and there was much rejoicing.

And head scratching.

The Bears are 2-1 and we should be happy. By gosh, be happy! Rejoice! Laugh as the wind blows shit in your face and the devil tells you its roses.

The Bears are 2-1 because they won one game against a terrible team, and another game against a dumb team during a typhoon. Their only game against a good team, last week against the Packers, saw the Bears get their rumps run out of the building.

But hey, relax. Appreciate. September is skipping off into the sunset and there is a lot more football to be played. There are opportunities for glory, for mayhem, for completed passes, for whatever you think October can give you.

Take a three-step drop, step into the throw. Fear not the drops, ducks, or other disasters that could await any of us. --TK