January 1, 2023

God Please Kill Us All

Lions 41, Bears 10

So here we are in a new year and the Chicago Bears have not changed a bit.

The Bears spent their first day of 2023 in Detroit which probably means each day can only get better. But when you’re the Chicago Bears each day only gets worse and more embarrassing than the one previous.

Watching the Bears is so awful it almost makes us wish we had Fox News.

You heard about that former Pope who just died? We actually have more nice things to say about him than we do about the Maggots of the Midway who have now lost a franchise record nine straight games, are 3-13 on the season, and probably couldn’t beat TCU’s second stringers even if they had a two-touchdown start and all the cigarettes at halftime they wanted.

Let’s talk about college football for a moment. Any football fan must admit that New Year’s Eve was one of the greatest gridiron days ever with TCU edging Michigan and Georgia rallying to top Ohio State to set up a showdown for the National Championship. Those two games had more thrilling moments than a MAGA rally has illegal marriages.

If the Bears watched those games (we assume they can afford cable) they didn’t learn much, as they took the field the next day and, to no one’s surprise, got themselves shoe-spanked 41-10 by a Lions team that we’re pretty sure was not only laughing at the Bears by the end of this one but also praying for them.

One game to go.

The rules say the Bears have to show up next weekend and the Bears usually play by the rules. That’s about the only thing they do right. --TK